9 phrases smart people never use in conversation

9 phrases smart people never use in conversation9 phrases smart people never use in conversationWeve all said things that people interpreted much differently than we thought they would. These seemingly benign comments lead to the awful feeling that only comes when youve planted your foot firmly into your mouth.Verbal slip-ups often occur because we say things without knowledge of the subtle implications they carry. Understanding these implications requires social awareness- the ability to pick up on the emotions and experiences of otherbei people.TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and discovered that social awareness is a skill in which many of us are lacking.We lack social awareness because were so focused on what were going to say next - and how what other people are saying affects us - that we completely lose sight of other people.This is a schwierigkeit because people are complicated. You cant hope to understand someone until y ou focus all of your attention in his or her direction.The beauty of social awareness is that a few simple adjustments to what you say can vastly improve your relationships with other people.To that end, there are some phrases that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in casual conversation. The following phrases are nine of the worst offenders. You should avoid them at all costs.1. You look tiredTired people are incredibly unappealing - they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating, and theyre as grouchy as they come. Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.Instead say Is everything okay?Most people ask if someone is tired because theyre intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other rolle is okay). Instead of assuming someones disposition, just ask. This way, he can open up and share. More importantly, he will see you as concerned instead of rude.2. Wow, youve lost a ton of weightOnce again, a well-mean ing comment- in this case a compliment- creates the impression that youre being critical. Telling someone that she has lost a lot of weight suggests that she used to look fat or unattractive.Instead say You look fantastic.This one is an easy fix. Instead of comparing how she looks now to how she used to look, just compliment her for looking great. It takes the past right out of the picture.3. You were too good for her anywayWhen someone severs ties with a relationship of any type, partieal or professional, this comment implies he has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.Instead say Her lossThis provides the same enthusiastic support and optimism without any implied criticism.4. You always. . . or You never . . .No one always or never does anything. People dont see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldnt attempt to define them as such. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phr ases when you have something important to discuss.Instead say Simply point out what the other person did thats a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can always say, It seems like you do this often. or You do this often enough for me to notice.5. You look great for your ageUsing for your as a qualifier always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on deaths door. People simply want to be smart and fit.Instead say You look great.This one is another easy fix. Genuine compliments dont need qualifiers.6. As I said before . . .We all forget things from time to time. This phrase makes it sound as if youre insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is genuinely interested in hearing your perspective).Getting insulted over having to repeat yourself suggests that either youre insecure or you think yo ure better than everyone else (or both). Few people who use this phrase actually feel this way.Instead say When you say it again, see what you can do to convey the message in a clearer and more interesting manner. This way theyll remember what you said.7. Good luckThis is a subtle one. It certainly isnt the end of the world if you wish someone good luck, but you can do better because this phrase implies that they need luck to succeed.Instead say I know you have what it takes.This is better than wishing her luck because suggesting that she has the skills needed to succeed provides a huge boost of confidence. Youll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes her luck.8. Its up to you or Whatever you wantWhile you may be indifferent to the question, your opinion is important to the person asking (or else he wouldnt have asked you in the first place).Instead say I dont have a strong opinion either way, but a couple things to consider are . . .When you offer an opinion (even without c hoosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.9. Well at least Ive never ___This phrase is an aggressive way to shift attention away from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven her for by now).Instead say Im sorry.Owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, calm place so that you can work things out. Admitting guilt is an amazing way to prevent escalation.Bringing it all togetherIn everyday conversation, its the little things that make all the difference. Try these suggestions out, and youll be amazed at the positive response you get.Travis Bradberry is the co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the co-founder of TalentSmart.This article originally appeared on LinkedIn.9 phrases smart people never use in conversationWeve all said things that people interpreted much differently than we thought they would. These seemingly benign comments lead to the awful feeling that only comes when youve planted your foot firmly into your mouth.Verbal slip-ups often occur because we say things without knowledge of the subtle implications they carry. Understanding these implications requires social awareness- the ability to pick up on the emotions and experiences of other people.TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and discovered that social awareness is a skill in which many of us are lacking.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreWe lack social awareness because were so focused on what were going to say next - and how what other people are saying affects us - that we completely lose sight of other people.This is a problem because people are complicated. You cant hope to understand someone until you focus all of your attention in his or her direction.The beauty of social awareness is th at a few simple adjustments to what you say can vastly improve your relationships with other people.To that end, there are some phrases that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in casual conversation. The following phrases are nine of the worst offenders. You should avoid them at all costs.1. You look tiredTired people are incredibly unappealing - they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating, and theyre as grouchy as they come. Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.Instead say Is everything okay?Most people ask if someone is tired because theyre intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other person is okay). Instead of assuming someones disposition, just ask. This way, he can open up and share. More importantly, he will see you as concerned instead of rude.2. Wow, youve lost a ton of weightOnce again, a well-meaning comment - in this case a compliment - creates the impression that youre being critic al. Telling someone that she has lost a lot of weight suggests that she used to look fat or unattractive.Instead say You look fantastic.This one is an easy fix. Instead of comparing how she looks now to how she used to look, just compliment her for looking great. It takes the past right out of the picture.3. You were too good for her anywayWhen someone severs ties with a relationship of any type, personal or professional, this comment implies he has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.Instead say Her lossThis provides the same enthusiastic support and optimism without any implied criticism.4. You always. . . or You never . . . No one always or never does anything. People dont see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldnt attempt to define them as such. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phrases when you have something important to discuss.Instead say Simply point out what the other person did thats a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can always say, It seems like you do this often. or You do this often enough for me to notice.5. You look great for your ageUsing for your as a qualifier always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on deaths door. People simply want to be smart and fit.Instead say You look great.This one is another easy fix. Genuine compliments dont need qualifiers.6. As I said before . . . We all forget things from time to time. This phrase makes it sound as if youre insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is genuinely interested in hearing your perspective).Getting insulted over having to repeat yourself suggests that either youre insecure or you think youre better than everyone else (or both). Few people who use this phrase actually fe el this way.Instead say When you say it again, see what you can do to convey the message in a clearer and more interesting manner. This way theyll remember what you said.7. Good luckThis is a subtle one. It certainly isnt the end of the world if you wish someone good luck, but you can do better because this phrase implies that they need luck to succeed.Instead say I know you have what it takes.This is better than wishing her luck because suggesting that she has the skills needed to succeed provides a huge boost of confidence. Youll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes her luck.8. Its up to you or Whatever you wantWhile you may be indifferent to the question, your opinion is important to the person asking (or else he wouldnt have asked you in the first place).Instead say I dont have a strong opinion either way, but a couple things to consider are . . . When you offer an opinion (even without choosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.9. Well at least I ve never ___ This phrase is an aggressive way to shift attention away from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven her for by now).Instead say Im sorry.Owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, calm place so that you can work things out. Admitting guilt is an amazing way to prevent escalation.Bringing it all togetherIn everyday conversation, its the little things that make all the difference. Try these suggestions out, and youll be amazed at the positive response you get.Travis Bradberry is the co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the co-founder of TalentSmart.This article originally appeared on LinkedIn.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will ersatzdarsteller your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people